THOM Yorke might be a creative genius but his singing sounds like a cat being squished between two breeze blocks. Here are some other tuneless bastards.
Thom Yorke
If you were feeling generous, you might describe the Radiohead frontman’s singing style as ‘haunting’. But you’re not so the truth is his high-pitched keening makes you feel like your ears are going to start bleeding. Don’t criticise him in front of a fan though, as you’ll be given a long, boring lecture on how ‘distinctive’ he sounds.
Bob Dylan
Dylan might write good songs but someone else should sing them, as the Byrds and Hendrix did, because his creaky, rasping warble instantly renders them dreadful. However, daring to voice the opinion that Dylan is overrated will see you shouted down by musos who insist music videos peaked with ‘Subterranean Homesick Blues’ even though ‘Thriller’ had zombies and ‘Money for Nothing’ blew you away with its advanced computer graphics.
Britney Spears
Britney’s voice isn’t actually a voice: it’s a carefully constructed artificial sound which is 30 per cent autotune and 70 per cent vocal fry. However, she’s got a cheery personality, a nice face and some great music videos so she’s fooled an awful lot of people into thinking that the thing she’s doing is singing. Anyone who’s seen her live will be quick to put them right.
Nico
Does Nico sing? Or does she honk like a goose stuck in a bread bin? It’s the latter, but fans of the Velvet Underground & Nico will insist that her delivery is actually languorously charming rather than a tuneless dirge that puts you to sleep then chases you around in your nightmares.
Ian Brown
The Roses were feted as one of the best bands of the 90s but Brown’s voice was a nasal Mancunian whine that makes Liam Gallagher sound like Adele. Singing wasn’t his strong suit, which is perhaps why he pursued a second career as a crackpot anti-vaxxer. Luckily no one remembers his solo effort with the lyrics: ‘Put your muzzle on, get back in your basket/ Get behind your doors cos living here is drastic.’
